The Two Anchors
From a distance every anchor looks the same, and the difference only shows up the moment the water goes calm.
There are two types of anchors in our lives.
One is the anchor that holds you safe when things get rough. When the tides are tumultuous and threatening to capsize you, it's the rock solid thing that doesn't move. It accepts you. It takes all of you. And it guides you through to calmer waters.
And when those calmer waters arrive, it lets you go.
It says, we made it. We did it. I'm here, and off you go. Go explore what you need to explore. I'm here if you want to come back.
Sometimes you come back, not just when it's rough, but even when it's calm. And sometimes you don't come back at all.
That's the anchor that supports you.
Then there's the other anchor. The one that holds you back.
It holds on exactly the same way through the storm. But even when the water goes calm, it won't let go. It says, no, no, you can't go anywhere. I need you. I'm not complete without you. It's not fair that you get to go off and do your own thing while I'm still stuck here.
An anchor can't move. That's the nature of the thing. And that's exactly the problem.
This anchor might be there when things are tough. But it doesn't let you become the fullest version of yourself.
The Only Way to Tell Them Apart
In the storm, both anchors look identical. Both are steady. Both hold on. You can't tell a healthy anchor from an unhealthy one while the water is still moving.
The only way to know which one you have is to watch what happens when it goes calm.
One releases. It trusts the relationship to survive the distance. It doesn't need to prevent you from leaving to know you'll still love it. Its whole value was never about holding on forever. Its value was being reliable when you needed it, and then stepping back to let you become whoever you're becoming next.
The other can't do that. Not because it doesn't love you. Because letting go was never in its design. It mistakes holding on for love, when really it's just fear wearing love's clothes.
We've all had both kinds. Maybe not at the same time, maybe not from the same person, but most of us know exactly what it feels like to be held by each one.
THREE THINGS YOU CAN DO TODAY
Small enough to do this week. Powerful enough to change how you communicate forever.
1. Name which anchor is holding you right now
Think of one relationship in your life right now, a partner, a parent, a friend, even a version of yourself from an earlier chapter. Ask yourself honestly: does this relationship let me go when the water is calm?
2. Remember a time you wanted to be released, and write down the words you wished you'd heard
Think of a moment you needed someone to let you go, a partner, a parent, a friend, and they didn't. What did you need to hear instead of what you got? Write it down.
3. ASK YOURSELF: WHAT KIND OF ANCHOR ARE YOU FOR YOURSELF?
There’s a version of you on the other side of something you haven’t let yourself do yet. Are you the anchor that lets yourself go, or are you the one that holds you back?
Pick one thing you’ve been withholding permission for, and give yourself permission today.
We made it. We did it. I'm here, and off you go.