Forget JOMO. Learn What Actually Fills You Up.
The conversation around "joy of missing out" is getting something right, and something dangerously wrong.
I read an article this morning about JOMO, the "joy of missing out." Gen Z is apparently choosing quiet nights in over crowded rooftops, and the internet is applauding them for it. And look, I get it. But I think we're asking the wrong question entirely.
The question isn't what should I skip? The question is: what actually fills me up?
Because here's the thing: JOMO, as a philosophy, still puts missing out at the center of the conversation. It still frames your choices as a reaction to what everyone else is doing. You're still measuring yourself against the crowd, just from the other direction. You're not FOMO-ing anymore, but you're still FOMO-adjacent. And I think that's where it falls short.
What I want to talk about is something deeper. Something that isn't about opting out of the noise. It's about learning what genuinely energizes you, and then having the courage to build your life around that.
You Are a Battery. And You're Probably Running on Empty.
Think of yourself as a battery. Every situation, every commitment, every person in your life either charges you or drains you. That dinner you agreed to because you felt guilty saying no? Drain. That morning walk alone before anyone else wakes up? Charge. The work call that could have been an email? Drain. The afternoon you spent cooking something new just because you felt like it? Charge.
Most of us have never actually sat down and mapped this out. We move through life reacting, yes to this, no to that, based on guilt, obligation, habit, or fear of what people will think. Very rarely do we stop and ask: does this genuinely give me energy, or am I running a deficit just to keep the peace?
The problem is that when we consistently override our own energy needs, when we say yes to drain after drain, we eventually have nothing left to give. Not to our work. Not to our friendships. And certainly not to the people we love most.
When you are fully energized, you don't just feel better. You show up better. You love better. The people around you feel it.
This Isn't Selfishness. It's the Opposite.
I want to push back on something right now, because I know someone is reading this and thinking: this sounds selfish. It's not. In fact, I'd argue it's one of the most generous things you can do for the people in your life.
When you're running on empty, you're present in body but not in spirit. You're sitting at the dinner table but you're somewhere else in your head. You're there for the birthday party but you're counting down until you can leave. You're giving people the husk of you, the tired, depleted, going-through-the-motions version, when what they deserve is the full, alive, present version of you.
When you protect your energy, when you cancel the thing that was going to drain you and spend that time doing something that genuinely fills you up, you come back to your relationships with more. More patience. More warmth. More real attention. More love. You stop being someone who shows up because they have to, and you start being someone who shows up because they want to, and people feel that difference profoundly.
This is why I think the JOMO conversation needs to be flipped. It shouldn't be about the joy of staying home. It should be about the joy of finally knowing yourself well enough to choose what genuinely nourishes you, and then having the self-respect to act on it.
So What Fills You Up?
This is the real work, and most people have never actually done it. Not seriously. Not honestly. We have vague ideas, I love being outside, I love music, I love good conversation, but we rarely go deeper than that. We don't notice the specific conditions that make us feel most alive.
Is it time completely alone, or is it one-on-one with someone you trust? Is it physical movement, or stillness? Creative work or logistical problem-solving? Deep conversation or light, easy laughter? Early mornings or late nights? Routine or spontaneity?
The people who seem to move through life with the most grace, the ones who seem to have energy to spare, who are magnetic, who make you feel seen and loved when you're around them, they've done this work. They know their conditions. And they protect them without apology.
You don't need to miss out on everything. You just need to stop showing up for the things that have nothing to do with who you are.
3 things you can do today
1: Do a 24-hour energy audit
For one day, just one, pause after every interaction, commitment, or activity and ask yourself: did that charge me or drain me? Don't judge it. Don't justify it. Just notice. Write it down if you need to. Most people are genuinely shocked by what they discover. Awareness is always the first step, and this one takes nothing except a moment of honesty.
2: Cancel one thing this week, guilt-free
Not because you're sick. Not because something came up. But because it doesn't serve you, and you're choosing to spend that time doing something that does. You don't owe anyone an elaborate explanation. Practice the simple, clean reply: "I can't make it, but I hope you have a wonderful time." That's it. Notice how it feels. Notice what you do with the time instead. This is where the real learning happens.
3: Protect one non-negotiable recharge ritual
Pick one thing, one specific activity, time, or practice, that you know fills you up, and put a wall around it. Maybe it's your morning coffee in silence before the house wakes up. Maybe it's a weekly run. Maybe it's Sunday evenings with zero plans. Whatever it is, stop treating it as optional. Stop letting it be the first thing you sacrifice when life gets busy. Treat it the way you treat a flight you've already booked: it's in the calendar and it's not moving.
The People You Love Deserve Your Full Self
Here's what I keep coming back to. The people in your life who matter most, your partner, your kids, your closest friends, the people you want to grow old knowing, they don't just want your time. They want you. The energized, present, joyful, fully-here version of you.
And you can't give them that if you're spent. You can't manufacture warmth when you're running on fumes. You can't be generous with your attention when your tank is empty. But when you're full? When you've genuinely taken care of yourself, done the things that restore you, and shown up to your own life with intention? That energy is contagious. It ripples. The people around you feel it and rise to meet it.
That's not JOMO. That's not missing out on anything. That's building a life that's so rich and so aligned with who you actually are, that you never feel like you're missing out at all.
Start there.
What fills your bucket? You probably already know. The question is whether you'll give yourself permission to honor it.